Dear AAJ: What's in a name

I needed an email address, and while Askajunker was more a typo of last resort than apt pseudonym, turns out that some other sicko had already grabbed Askajunkie. After I thought more about it, I decided that at my age I'd be wiser to reveal ancestral membership in the Prussian nobility than to admit any sort of addiction. If I were ever to trade email addresses with a new friend, for instance, I figured it would be cooler to come from a family of German squires, than to admit they were a bevy of hippie pot heads. DDDefault would work just fine. Juliet's theory notwithstanding (act 2, scene 2), lot's is in a name apparently, and I bet all the fun monikers at free web based email sites are in use.

Once I accidentally impressed a few tech friends at with my hotmail id (ddefault@hotmail.com) that was made with just my name and no special characters (to distinguish me from all the other dee dee default's out there), instead of one like ddfault2003@hotmail.com that would reveal me uniquely, but as a DD come lately (or DD come 2003) to the internet. In one of my very few trendy moves, I apparently rode an early wave of web surfing in the nineties.

But damn, was I cool!

In Which AAJ plays "Expert Witness"

They'll Let Just Anybody On-Line These Days, and I still dream of being Bobby Goren.

From television true crime shows and web sites like CourtTV and its CrimeLibrary companion, I stay abreast of the news about evil baby rapers and serial killers who possibly troll for prey, announce their intentions, or boast of their accomplishments on web sites like My Face dot com or say Confidential Diary Secrets for My Absolute Best Friends Only dot dum.
Sometimes, thoughtless, grandiose gossips put it all out there for our voyeuristic pleasure, and just possibly their own self destruction. Consider the Fifth Nail Blog.
Knowing how the story ends makes it a creepy read, even from the safety of your own home. Google led me to one site that compared both the police account of Joe's activities with Joe's own blog accounts of his exploits. The revelations here SHOUT out loudly at least two morals/conclusions

1. Don't trust child molesting murderers - They may have an agenda


2. Blog entries make poor alibis

Now, using expertise I acquired from my junior high school gift subscriptions to two enlightening monthlies, Readers Digest and Psychology Today, and by researching the Duncan blog in conjunction with internet accounts, I am able to analyze Joe's sad little life for the court (which in my rich fantasy life is on an L&O spinoff ). Consider the following:

1. He claims he was molested frequently as a kid.


2. He's accused of raping/murdering a number of young boys


3. When, with the help of truly virtuous Citizens, the police nab the guy, he's dining with an abductee, a sister of a some poor little boy he mauled and murdered. Joe apparently abused the girl, but not quite to death.

ERGO - when he rapes and murders the little boys today, he's striking back as he was unable to as a boy, when he was then defenseless against the abuse. He hated himself for being exploited and exploitable, for being raped, with all the attendant hurt, guilt, proof of his inadequacy that allowed older boys or men to fuck him up and over. Now as an adult, he holds the power to avenge. Described by the mechanism of transference when he now rapes and kills, he is destroying the defective child of his youth who allowed the abuse, who deserved the shame and pain, while suffering silently and immensely because of it. He is finally in control.

EMIL SKODA, WATCH OUT

and Happy BD Heather

The Truth vs. James Dobson from Downtown!!!

While MJ dribbled with the divine, a Point Guard among point guards, a heavenly graced athlete who delivered layup after layup, his testimony to the Net, it was a (hypothetical) man of gods who killed Pete.

But false prophets, beware, for Pistol Pete Maravich was a man of the Net, yet one who ultimately dunked with the devil, committing the most flagrant T when he met James Dobson. Dr. Dobson, a Ph.D. psychologist, reached his infamy by focusing on the family and spewing out loving advice on a radio show. Famous for offering up child rearing alternatives to Dr. Spock, e.g. Bringing Up Boys - an inspiring instructional on raising righteous, real boys, the right reverend has been a public figure for a couple of decades now, spreading his brand of Christian love with pschological and political advice. He is one of the loudest voices of the religious right to whisper into Republican ears.

But the Lord's view of James is obvious, and Pete Maravich may well have died for his sins. Pistol Pete was a spiritual explorer who, though once a devout priest of the hallowed Game, became a free agent for a different god after retirement. Perhaps for his apostasy, Pete was smitten stone dead during a one on one pick up prayer just prior to an appearance on the Focus on the Family radio show. While James Dobson was not indicted in connection to Pete's mysterious and premature death, the conclusions to be drawn are clear.

DISCLAIMER - I loved CJ Cregg

AAJ believes it necessary to discuss a slight flaw in a favorite oracle with this DISCLAIMER and embarrassing admission:

I love the television show Law&Order: CI, and need Bobby Goren on the streets almost as much as I needed C.J. Cregg in the White House, or at least over to my home every Sunday night and endless BRAVO Monday.

However, the USA network exhausted all hyberbole related to ruin and mediocrity, when it pushed the phrase "Think Again!" ad nauseam through Vincent D'Onofrio in a queer brand of EXXTREME Crime Solving, a cheap sound bite more likely used to bait fans of John Wayne, than to reveal the essence of Bobby's more nuanced technique.

note to myself: Google fan fiction for "Bobby + CJ".

Dear AAJ: I'd like to ask the Junkie (cont. below)

Why so many pharmaceutical companies manufacture compounded pain relievers which combine opiates with acetaminophen?
Sincerely,
A Perplexed Aficionado of Percocet

An excellent question, APAP, if I did ask it myself. First, a brief discussion about hydrocodone (involving only a bit of math), and its packaging. There is so much more of course that can be said. But not always heard, depending on the length and severity of your addiction. Just ask Google.

1. Hydrocodone, late of Rush Limbaugh notoriety, seems to be available in a variety of dosages, and always mixed with acetaminophen, from 325 mg to more than twice that amount. For comparison, one Extra Strength Tylenol pill contains 500 mg of acetaminophen. As pharmacists and poison control centers are wont to say, 4 grams, or 4000 mg, is the most acetaminophen you want to dump on your liver a day, to avoid the necessity of an immediate liver transplant or the likelihood that Wal*%r$ns will not refill your script. Unless you're a rock star, sports hero, or very fiscally fit, that uniquely tailored liver replacement may be difficult to collect in a timely, life-saving manner.
2. While your prescription may suggest taking 1 or 2 pain pills every 4 to 6 hours for your distress, if for any reason you take more than 5 or 6 of the pills with 750 mg of the acetaminophen in a day, you are downing a toxic dose of pain relief. There's not enough hydrocodone there to kill most folks via respiratory arrest, as over use of opiates is notorious for doing, but the acetaminophen excess can overload your liver's metabolic capabilities and leave poisonous residues behind to wreak further hepatic havoc.
3. The DEA controls the hydrocodone compound in its schedule III manner, while acetaminophen is a weaker, over the counter, unscheduled analgesic. If people want to mix generic Tylenol with another medicine, they don't need a prescription for it. But if they want to take the hydrocodone for pain relief without acetaminophen, very special arrangements must be made. NB: the DIY ones found on the web involving cold water do not actually work.
4. Overdosages of many opiates can lead to foolishly sleepy behavior, and more fatally, respiratory arrest. The antidote to the opiate induced apnea is a small shot of one of several drugs, including naloxone, a.k.a. Narcan. It's generally best to administer this antidote intravenously, and there is also a fresh and true adage that "Any junkie can hit a vein", i.e. Narcan administration ain't hard to do. In a life threatening situation, an associate of the unconscious opiate user could spike a load of Narcan into the user, an act akin to pushing an Epi-Pen into someone who had just escaped a swarm of Africanized bees.
5. Returning now to the judgment of Big Pharma to sell the formulations that mix opiates with acetaminophen, one can simply assume that in their benevolence, the manufacturers mix the compounds because clinical trials have shown the mixture to have greater efficacy than either compound taken alone. The pill taking population then has one less choice to make with their hop headed muddled minds - whether or not to include a Tylenol with their Vicodin.
6. Alternatively, Big Pharma (along with the rest of the world) recognizes and appreciates the affects of opiates. These can be found for sale to the public without the acetaminophen in the form of non-FDA, non-DEA approved imports from, say, Afghanistan, or more safely and in better lit locals like the corner apothecary.

This a country that sprayed the leaves serious crops with poisonous paraquat. With patriarchal and punitive practices, Big Bad Pharma mixes the compounds so that as the body's tolerance and need for greater dosages of opiates rise with usage, the damage to the liver also increases, giving those disgusting dopers what they deserve, more pain and less liver function. Also, pills with tylenol are tougher to prep for IV administration, its purity being one of the reasons that oxycontin is so popular with us kids these days.

Workers of the World Unite! or a personal favorite "Bad spellers of the world untie!"

disclaimer: I'm not a biblical scholar, but I think per KJV, Jesus wanted us to love our neighbors. we could ask Pat or Georgie or Laura, I s'pose.

May day season and instead of the immigrants at Haymarket, it's time for at least George XLIII to discuss the perils of brown immigrants, and we probably mean illegal immigrants, if it's not always clear when you hear the talk on t.v.

Bush is from a border state so I guess he has to make a point, but he's also a loud Christian, he has surely heard a bible story depicting his holy father as a kind model for humanity. He preys on this fellow for advice on leading his 300 million.

So, though I wouldn't be rude in person, Ask a Junkie secretly wants to join the discussion on immigrants with him by shouting WHAT WOULD JESUS DO, you fucking moron?

But maybe that's just the gas prices talking.

Advice Column : Ask A Junkie

Dear Junkie -

As an MADD advisor and TOEFL instructor, I need a nice counting song for my immigrant friends that doesn't rely on liquor use, as say the 99 Bottles of Beer song that helped my family on road trips. Any ideas?
Respectfully,

What Did Jesus Drink?



Dear WDJD -

Implied in your signature is an important lesson we must share, and we want all readers to know the answer to that. As for learning to count in English so that you understand what the state trooper means when she tells you that your Breath-a-lyzer result is 223, let's go back twenty years to the children's band, the Violent Femmes. They wrote a catchy ditty called Kiss Off that emphasizes the metric system (counts to 10) and uses association techniques to help remember the numbers. Life's special devasting emotional events are ranked and then sung about as a memory aid for the numbers. Great for teenagers too.